First love is probably the most beautiful experience of one’s life. Your first love is always a special one.Nothing compares to that feeling of love and intimacy that comes with the first love.For some people their first love turns into a lifelong relationship but for some , unfortunately, it turns into a nightmare.
Today’s post is about a typical journey of first love which doesn’t end as expected. You must probably be asking why am I writing this post. The motive behind this post is to help you understand what causes a relationship to fail so that in case if you are in a relationship or looking for one you don’t commit the common mistakes which people generally make.I ll be using both male and female gender interchangeably throughout the post to strike a balance between both the sexes.
1)The Feel Good Phase: In most cases first love happens when people are in their teens, although many encounter it in their 20s and 30s as well. Whatever the age is when you fall in love for the first time you do not have a past painful experience lingering at the back of your head. You have a fresh and positive perspective about love. Since you are young, you have adrenalin pumping in your body. You are literally unstoppable.This is the initial feel good phase of a first love.
On the subject of love you are completely in alignment with your true self. Your thoughts and vibrations are not polluted by unwanted past experiences. So when you start feeling good about someone you do not muddle your vibrations thinking about any negative thoughts because you do not have any past experience to relate to.
You appreciate and love every positive aspect of your partner and ignore the negative ones. Reason being it is your first love and you do not care about the negatives and more importantly you do not want to ruin the trail of good feelings by thinking about the negatives . This is the very core of law of attraction. Give attention to only wanted and it will grow! This is what happens in first love. In the initial stages you give attention to the wanted aspect of your love and it keeps growing. Law of attraction brings in more good out of your partner because that is what you are focussing at.
You start planning your life with your partner in your head. You have all these thoughts of marrying her,having babies with her, travelling the world. You go to bed thinking about her. You last thoughts before sleep is about her. Your first thought in the morning is about her. Your life becomes about her.(Ladies,please replace the word “her” with “him”). You even change your habits and behaviours to suit your partner.
First love boosts your confidence as well. The feeling that there is someone for whom you are the most special person in this world is an amazing one. When someone gives you special treatment your vibrations reach all time high. You start to vibrate at a much higher frequency. Your energy level is boosted. You can feel that wonderful feeling of love and intimacy in your heart. You are in love!
Generally people are already vibrating very high before they fall in love. When they come together it is like amalgam of two high vibrations. Both the partners can now feel the good vibes of other one in addition to their own high vibes.
2.) The Doubt Phase: When you two have spent some time together the initial feel good vibes start to decrease a little. No matter how much you love the other person, there are other things in life to attend to such as jobs,friends and family. You start to take little attention off your partner and start to focus on worldly things. You start thinking about improving your financial situation because you want to have a good lifestyle with your partner.While initially you had changed your habits and behaviours to align with your partner’s liking, you slowly fall back to your old habits because your motivation for change was external and external motivation do not last long.
From this point the relationship can go either way. It might sustain the doubt phase or it might fall part. We will see what causes it to fall apart. During this phase you start to wonder why your partner has changed. Thoughts such your partner has got busy or he/she is ignoring you starts to creep in.
You also start to witness some of the habits and behaviours of your partner which you do not like and which your partner had changed during the initial feel good phase. You either ignore it or start giving attention to it. Keep in mind that our dear friend law of attraction is always in play. As soon as you start giving attention to the unwanted aspect of your partner you start to attract more of it.
You start getting a little possessive and controlling. Neediness creeps in. If you are not cautious, this neediness and possessiveness starts to increase. Now we know that according to law of attraction if you feel needy it indicates that you are vibrating lack. If you need something in order to be happy that means you are lacking it. This vibration of lack attracts more lack. This in turn starts to push your partner away so that you feel more needy.(remember LOA?).
The unfortunate truth is that your partner initially might have normal feelings for you but its your vibrations which will slowly cause him/her to change. Its has to be!Its the law! How else would he/she respond to your vibrations of neediness and control. When you feel your partner is moving away from you , insecurity finds its way in. LOA is bringing in all the negative feelings one by one. Insecurity causes you to doubt your partners behaviour.
Thoughts like why is he not replying to your ping on facebook. He is online but still he is not replying. Is he chatting to someone else , is he ignoring me? In your initial days of relationship a single reply from him would have made you jump upside down. It wouldn’t have mattered even if he had ignored you ten times but if he had replied once you would jump with happiness. The thing to understand is that in your initial days a single positive response from your partner made you happy and ecstatic. You would think and talk about that one positive response and ignore the other nine negative response. Our dear friend law of attraction then would attract more positive responses from your partner because that is what you were giving attention to. Soon all the responses would become positive and thats when you say you both are in a relationship.
What has changed now is that even if out of ten he gives nine positive responses and one negative one you hold on to that one negative response. You would think about it ,talk about it, you would sleep over it. Why is he not replying on watsapp. He saw my message and its been like 5 minutes!! . Why is he ignoring me? Is he cheating on me? You start to stalk your partner.
LOA will start to attract instances which would start to conform your vibrations of insecurity. Even though your partner might not be doing even one thing you are suspecting still you would perceive and interpret any situation in a way which would make your suspicions even stronger.
3.The Breakup Phase: Notice I say breakup as a phase and not an event. If you are in a serious committed relationship then breakup is a result of series of event and not just a single event in its own.Its a breakup phase. When you become insecure and start to control and manage your partner,your parter will change. Its a law!! What you now witness is a new version of your partner, a version who starts to avoid you, who ignores you on fb and watsapp, who replies you late, who eventually might try to end the relationship.
You see, he is the same person. Its you who is manifesting different version of him. While initially you manifested a loving partner out of him because of your good vibes , now you manifested a person who has become indifferent to you because of your negative vibes. You are applying law of attraction both in positive and negative way.
You relationship has taken a toll and law of attraction starts to bring in more events and situations between you two which makes it difficult for you both to be together. Things become worse as time passes until one of the partner decides to call it off. Generally , its your partner who calls it off because you have been vibrating lower than your partner and it becomes difficult for him to align with your low vibrations. He calls it off.
4.)Get back your ex phase : Volumes of books have been written on this phase. This is one the worst nightmare which could happen to anyone. This is the phase when you start looking for any means possible to get back your ex.In worst case scenario you go into depression. You start thinking where it all went wrong.Why did he leave you. You start to question your worth. You loose your self confidence.
You can’t sleep properly. You can’t eat properly. You even find it difficult to breathe. Thoughts of him being with some one else haunts you. You imagine him having sex with someone else. You feel the pain and heaviness in your chest. You call him and try to reconcile. You cry and and tell him how much you love him. You ask him or even beg him to come back. You do all the stuff but to no avail. He seemed to have moved on happily without giving a damn about you.
You spend your days and nights crying and feeling betrayed. How could he just move one? Was he seeing someone even before breaking up with me? You check his facebook page and find out that he is happy with his friends. You feel angry and frustrated. You also feel love for him thinking he might come back. Your emotions become like a roller-coaster.
You hop on to internet looking for that magic recipe to get back your ex. You join forums and discussions and ask for help. You buy books on how to get back your ex.Some books advice no contact, some advice sending love to your ex, people tell you all sorts of things to get back your ex. The LOA gang advices to focus on yourself and love yourself.
You might also try things such as mind control,remote seduction,visualization,affirmations etc. You try forgiving him,forgiving anyone else involved and most importantly forgiving yourself. In majority of cases none of this works. Why this does not work we will discuss in a different post.
Days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into year but you don’t see any sign of him coming back. Eventually , you become a little stable mentally and also get tired of doing all the stuffs to get him back. You then decide to move on for better.
5.) The move on phase : Once you realize that you are wasting your time trying to get him back you then enter the “move on” phase. This is the phase when you start to feel that its better to focus on your life rather than trying to get back your ex.Having accepted the fact that he is not coming back you then start to refocus on yourself. Gradually you start gaining stability. You start looking into your career,family and friends. You are hesitant of any new relationship because of the past experience.
Slowly and steadily you are returning to normal frame of mind and forgetting the bad that happened in the past. You start to smile again. You enjoy the company of your friends.Probably you prefer to be single and just enjoy life for sometime. You might not have that high energy like before (before you got into your first relationship) still you can feel the calmness and peace. You sleep better , you eat better, you start to take care of you body and mind.
In truth you are not the same person any more. You have expanded and grown out of that experience for better. You have sort of matured out that painful experience. As days pass by you completely forget your ex and become ready to fall in love again.
So do you relate with the above 5 phases of love? We would love to hear your experience and comments on the topic of first love. Do share in the comments section.